Ici

Last week, there were two or three letters about people wondering what it would be like if their person had found them in unsent.

I'll go ahead and throw out the usual advice given when one starts thinking that way: don't. Lol. I went down the path of thinking mine was here for a while last year, and nothing good came of it. The chances, like a handful of other things I could name, are astronomical. That's a rabbit hole you don't want to go down, even as an experienced hunter.

But. That said. It is a bit of fun, as a thought experiment.

What would happen? How would she react? Would she announce herself, or just quietly enjoy my words, knowing they're for her?

I'll tell you this much… for her and me? There isn't a playbook. We're in territory that neither one of us has ever charted (well, I guess I can't actually speak for her, but I'd have an incredibly difficult time believing otherwise). If she decided to just keep quiet, that would be absolutely acceptable. Really… I can think of few things she wouldn't be instantly forgiven for.

I'm head over heels in love with her and I haven't got a clue how I would react in that situation, so who would I be to judge her? It's not that she can do no wrong (or is it a little bit of that? lol), it's that… what is even “wrong,” for us? The answer isn't so straightforward.

So, let's set that aspect aside. What about me? How would I react to knowing that she's read all of my letters, all of these goofy profile posts? From me being ridiculously vulnerable to me being a ridiculous horndog?

In a word:

😱

I mean, don't get me wrong. I do have hopes to share it all with her one day. But I'm also… scared of that day, lol. I think she'll like it. I think maybe she'll be flattered. I hope so, at any rate. But good grief, I've spilled my guts here from time to time. It's one thing doing so anonymously on the internet, it's another thing entirely to do so for the person who inspired it all.

But she deserves to know, when it's time, when I'm able.

I mean. The letters are for her, after all. They are only unsent because of our situation. If I were free to give them to her, I would have.

🤷‍♂️

Still. It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? To have spent very nearly two years posting letters to her on reddit dot com, without even once giving her one in real life? I mean… yeah. I can't do that, not while respecting the appropriate boundaries. And sure, the letters may well have been very different if they were actually sent. But still. I unno.

Again, I'd hope she'd find it flattering. But what if she finds it creepy? lol. Anyways.

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

And then when she and I are real close…

Well.

Hey, a man of refined taste has to keep some things close to his chest, doesn't he?